people are strange when you're a stranger

Conscription has historically been a recipe for failure, military or otherwise. So when asked to undertake some charitable task, I usually end up volunteering. Not out of some innate goodness or desire to improve the society in which I find myself, but really just to improve the chance of success.

And so it was with "We the Jury." The program is designed to give our local high school students a taste of the legal process. The program's lofty goal is to turn the students into a mock jury panel. We young lawyers get up there and conduct a voir dire of this adolescent jury pool and then conduct an a question and answer session when finished.

I played the role of criminal defense attorney pretty well during the process, deluding myself into thinking that maybe I had the stomach for such work in real life. I used demonstrative techniques and pointed questioning to "assemble" my jury, and I have to admit I was feeling pretty good about myself. So when the final Q&A session came to pass, I secretly hoped for all sort of deeply profound questions about the jury process on which I could elucidate these kids' young minds. Instead, I got a smattering of the greatest one-liners in history...

Q: Is it true that all lawyers drive red sports cars?
A: Umm...no. Mine's silver. Next question.

Q: How much money do you make?
A: I would trade it to earn an allowance for doing nothing. Sound familiar? Next.

Q: My mom's a lawyer. Do you know her?
A: Probably.

Q: Do you watch Boston Legal? Does every firm really have a Denny Crane?
A: Yes. And yes.

Q: How long did you have to go to school to be a lawyer?
A: I'm ten years older than you and I graduated last year. Study hard, kids!