objection. counsel's entire opening statement is argument

Sustained. Counsel's entire opening statement, with the exception of "thank you," will be striken from the record.

Miraculously, I kept my wits about me today, at my first ever trial. Despite my inclinations to the contrary, I was even able to refrain from referring to the Court as "dude." I did have to be reminded to spit out my gum before the judge called the case, but that faux pas apparently comprised my entire list of mistakes.

According to post-trial critique, I'm told that I gesture with my left arm too much. A courtroom, evidently, is not to be treated as though it were the Globe Theatre. Such criticism, I think, is best left ignored for the time being. Vinny did it.

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On a completely unrelated topic, today is the fourth anniversary of George Harrison's death. So go listen to While My Guitar Gently Weeps and Here Comes the Sun. Of course, I don't have to tell you to do that. Think for Yourself...