even if it's old junk, it's still rock and roll to me

“Don’t waste your money on a new set of speakers, you’ll get more mileage from a cheap pair of sneakers.” Billy Joel

I got to watch the Texas Longhorns beat the Southern California Trojans last week in sparkling High-Definition Television. On fifty-two inches of flat screen greatness to boot. And now I want that greatness in my own home. I hate it when I get these fits of materialism, but whatever…

I did a little checking. Um, yeah…I can’t afford it. Or more accurately, I choose not to afford it. That HD junk’s expensive, sweet though it may be. Before I got online and checked out the prices for the monitors themselves, I called the cable company. The responses I got to my questions confirmed what I’ve always believed. They may be crooks, but at least their honest.

Larry (Cable Guy): Hello Mr. Whitten, how may I help you?

mjw: Uh, yeah, if I buy an HDTV, am I going to have to buy a special new cable converter?

Larry: Yes, sir.

mjw: How much does that cost?

Larry: The price for the converter is $495, plus an installation fee. We have to come to your house and set it up.

mjw (thinking I’m about to get a deal): Well, I’ve got a flyer here from DirecTV that offers me a free HDTV receiver and TiVo with the purchase of a two-year subscription plan. But I’d like to stay with cable instead of satellite. What can you guys do for me there?

Larry (rehearsed answer): Well, the price is still $495.

mjw: Wait. You’re telling me you’d rather lose a customer than part with $495?

Larry: Yes, sir.

Yeah. That’s really how it went. Go figure. And here’s the funny part. I’m still not going to go with that satellite deal, because I don’t want to buy the TV. Somehow, the cable company must have known that. Oh well, football season’s over as far as I’m concerned. No more Cowboys, no more interest.