i am jack's capitalist sensibility

Fifteen things I want but will never have due to cheapskatedness and/or philosophical opposition:

(1) Any watch made by a company with celebrity “Ambassadors” (cheapness)

(2) Whole life insurance (philosophical opposition)

(3) Samoas (impossible due to name change and lack of trans-fats)

(4) A boat capable of pulling me out of the water on one ski (cheapness)

(5) Red hair (philosophical opposition)

(6) A hand-tailored suit (both)

(7) Furniture (cheapness)

(8) HBO (philosophical opposition)

(9) Kristin Davis (impossible due to Al Pacino)

(10) Any car bearing a European nameplate (cheapness)

(11) Michael Irvin in the Ring of Honor (philosophical opposition)

(12) Gibson Digital Electric guitar (cheapness)

(13) An airplane with more than one prop (philosophical opposition)

(14) Diamond-encrusted chili ladle (pointlessness)

(15) A home with a retractable-dome roof (outlandishness)